White Lies

Thinking about integrity, this week I've been pondering the topic of white lies. The term itself seems to denote the moral ambiguity we feel when in this area. I think we've all faced the dilemma of someone we love asking us a difficult question such as, “does this dress make me look fat?”.

This is not a major moral issue, but to say what we mean and mean what we say, which integrity requires, we perceive will cause us trouble and may hurt the one we love. So often we tell the white lie and say no when we think yes.

Integrity is not about moral choices, but about a life that works. So will my life work better if I cut out the white lies? Certainly not initially, but perhaps over time my love will stop asking me questions like the one above unless she really wants my opinion. That assumes my new truthfulness doesn't destroy our relationship in the first place. Is it true a relationship that doesn't survive the truth is not one worth having? And is it worth a relationship over such a seemingly small lie?

Now what about those times when we lie not to save the feelings of the other person but to save our own face. If we tried “the dog ate my homework” to our teacher, it didn't work because she knew us and had heard it all before. But to someone who doesn't know us so well it may actually work, at least the first time. “My car broke down” or “there was an accident on the interstate” is possible and even plausible, so it may pass as true. On the face of it, this seems to work, so where is the breakdown?

One possibility is the problem is internal to us. As we successfully lie, it becomes easier to lie more often even in much more serious circumstances. Or lies become such a part of the fabric of our life, we live our whole life that way. This topic merits more thought and consideration over time.