Restoring Integrity

Since we are human, it is a given we will not always maintain our integrity. So taking steps to restore our integrity is critical if we are to live a life of integrity. There are 4 steps to restore integrity:
1.Give up your story about it.
2.Acknowledge your broken promise/word.
3.Clean up the consequences of the break.
4.Remake your promise or make a new promise.

Give Up Your Story About It

Regardless of whether it was a white lie or a whopper, whether it was a broken word or a failure to keep a commitment we make up a story to go with our failure. These may be stories of reasons why we couldn't keep our commitment or excuses for why it wasn't our fault, but there is always at least one story. This is the world of morality we live in where we excuse fault or find fault. This is the world of blame. It is critical to remember the break in integrity is separate from morality. By accepting the break in our integrity as that and that alone we can see that any layer of morality is an interpretation, a story. This is a prime example of the need for us to separate the “what happened” from our story about what happened.

Acknowledge Your Broken Promise/Word

The first time a friend or colleague hears this from you they will probable be surprised. In life we all have come to expect a story not a simple acknowledgement. This is your opportunity to establish for them and for you the possibility for a life of integrity.

Clean Up The Consequences Of The Break

Our seminar leader has said “it is an illusion to think you can avoid the impact of a break in your integrity”. I'm still pondering this idea, but I can see when I provide a story rather than just acknowledge my failure, I am creating a level of uncertainty about me, my ability to meet commitments or even my truthfulness. In may cases, clean up entails really listening to the other person's reactions to our failure. They may be quick to forgive or they may launch a diatribe. Regardless, fully concentrated listening is called for. This is not the time to “tune out”.

Remake Your Promise Or Make A New Promise

This step is important for both the other person and for you. For the other person, it is your chance to reestablish integrity and a level of trust. But is is important for you because it puts you publicly on record to keep your word. We may feel it is not so important to keep our promises to ourself, but when we make a promise publicly to someone else the pressure on us increases significantly.

One of my final thoughts is how even this process can be misused if we are not serious. If I frequently miss a commitment then go through the four steps, my integrity will be even more damaged as I will be seen as manipulating and insincere – totally without integrity.